Tarantula & the MAN

Sour Grapes

Hey folks,

Remember when the man slapped down his zeros and commissioned several hours of my humble show “Tarantula.” I’d heard horror stories, oh boy had I, and I asked the executives who bought the show, “Is this weird show something you really want to make and get behind.”

Smiling big as the moon, the Man told me, “Yes. We want Tarantula.”

He wasn’t a bad man, this Man, but he also wasn’t actually in charge. I think he meant what he said, had summoned the last of his optimism to say it even. So we made the Tarantulas. Boy howdy, did we, and then the Man, I’m talking the MAN, the boss’s Boss, took one look at what we’d made with the zeros he commanded and said, “No. Pass.” Actually, I don’t know what he said. The dude was too busy getting groomed to even write me an email. His underlings told me what they were going to do with my dear Tarantula, then called me a few months later to give me the ol’ Porkie Pig. “That’s All, Folks!” No Season Two. Oh stinkin’ well.

For tax-write-off-reasons they aired our show in blocks of two over the course of four weeks in December, a race against the end of the fiscal year. The first two episodes didn’t even air, just got slapped onto YouTube and old Mark Z’s slimy social marketplace all abuzz with horseflies feeding on mind-rot.

Not too many folks saw it, I gather. Shoosh, I don’t know. They took the first two episodes offa YouTube, which was a shame, seeing as this was a good way to see them.

But the overworked intern in charge of digital cleansing forgot to take one of my favorite episodes, “Mushroom Valley” off of Facebook. Give it a watch if you so feel inclined. The link is right here. The internet is less real than the sound a seashell makes, so it may go away at any moment.

Adios, Amen, Apple-Jack!