RATS

An account of what needed doing then

Come on over here, buy me a drink, and I’ll tell you a story. Hey, but don’t you own all this land around here? Why you need me to buy your drink, you say. Well, I don’t need you to buy me a drink, I want you to buy me a drink. It’s about showing me that you actually care to listen to what I have to say by putting down four or five bucks for a whiskey. I don’t know how much whiskey costs here, since I own the land the bar’s on, and I ain’t paid for a drink here ever. Which is all the more reason you oughta buy me one.

I want to tell you a story of the man who loved rats.

Now, this being ranch land, obviously we got a lot of grain. We got a lot of critters that do us a lot of good that we need to feed that grain to, talking chickens and the like. Well, then you got your critters that do you no good that eat your grain too. You got your raccoons, you got your foxes, and above all, you got your rats. Rats are a problem for each and every rancher, and any rancher tells you otherwise is a liar. Or he just has completely fallen out of touch with the operations and processes of his ranch, which also happens, but that’s neither here nor there as far as this tale is concerned.

Anyhow, there was one fella on this land here, son of a rancher, who loved rats.